Sibling Issues

07-20-2010

I began these entries on the 18th of July and so far have 53 hits to my site. Fantastic! I am hoping that I can reach out to others (for example parents, relatives, friends of autistic children) and provide some source of support and education. If you know someone who is interested in hearing someone else's experiences, please tell them to come to my site and read, read, read.

I just finished dropping off Noah (my son with autism) at his camp at school. When we entered into the building, Noah raced to the classroom filled with kids playing on the computer. His brother (who happens to be non-autistic) walked him to his room (of course, Noah racing ahead of him) to make sure he was alright. I looked at my older son who quietly stood behind Noah, waited until he entered then quietly walked back towards the front door. Believe it or not, this was a peaceful moment - although not profound - however one of the few times that the two brothers were copacetic and actually getting along. You may ask, "Why am I writing about this?" Well, all too often, the forgotten ones, the ones that we do not focus on or give as much attention to, happens to be the siblings. Besides the parents, their lives are also impacted by the disorder.

I have given Noah so much attention and so much of my time that I fear not paying enough attention to his brother. Christian shared that someday he wanted to be an orthodontist so today I was able to have him shadow an orthodontist and learn more about the profession. This was during the time his brother was at school. I try to take advantage of these moments of separation with Noah by placing emphasis on the interests and needs of his brother.

Overall, Christian has assumed the role of big brother/provider. He may argue with his younger brother but will "stick up" for him when needed. There was a time, when Noah was being teased by the other students on the playground at his public school. He was called "stupid", "retarded", "idiot" - cruel words unbeknowest to Noah for he was oblivious to the bullying by his peers. My son Chris however was fully aware, and later told me of these incidents. I asked Christian how did he respond and he pulled his brother to the side and told him to ignore them. Additionally, he brought Noah along with his friends for support as they played games such as basketball together on the apparatus. These incidents however did take a toll on my older son as he internalized these messages and felt sadness for his brother. We talked about his feelings and ways he can assist. Christian began to educate other children on autism and explain his brother's speech and behaviors. Repeatedly hearing about autism not only helped educate other children but led to further understanding for Chris.

One thing that I can honestly say, Christian has learned empathy (develop an understanding of others with special needs). Friends have told me that he is compasssionate and helpful towards other children, especially children with special needs. Chris has also helped tremendously in terms of displaying appropriate behaviors. Yesterday, a parent asked me how can she utilize her other non-autistic children. My answer - do not isolate yourself or your other children. Use their special skills - they are also role models for your autistic child. Remember, your other children will also help you as you go through the journey of raising a child with autism.

Tasha