7-25-2010
I am feeling so incredibly thrilled because I just found out that 182 individuals have come to this site - all due to word of mouth. In response, all I can say is "Hip, hip, hooray!" This is fabulous, absolutely fantastic. Hopefully, I am reaching my goal - to inspire others, to say to others that your children will be successful, to share of my own experiences raising an autistic child.
Both of my sons are having a wonderful summer taking swimming lessons at a nearby pool, playing basketball with their father, attending summer camp (that would be my autistic son) and shadowing dental students (my other son who happens to be non-autistic). Yesterday however my younger son, Noah, had a temper tantrum - 20 minutes of gruelling screams, cries, shouting "No, no!", throwing his Wii control, etc. as I silently stared at him and thought to myself, "How do I handle this episode?" You may be wondering what set him off, what caused this unknowing provoked fit of anger.....................well, Noah was not getting what he wanted - to continue playing a basketball game on his Wii. The rule is, I only allow him to play an hour as to not get him so fixated on this particular inanimate object. I do want you to know however that I believe fixations can be healthy, can lead to learning and enhance a child's education. As in my case, at the age of two Noah was fixated on the character Elmo so we watched Sesame Street on television, I bought Sesame Street tapes (each episode focuses on one letter and one number) and purchased a stuffed toy Elmo. I would use the tapes and the toy to teach him all of his letters and numbers up to 20. By the time he was 2 1/2 years of age, he knew his letters (both upper case and lower case) and his numbers (up to 20). This is an example of a good fixation.
Fixations however can also be negative as in the case of his obsession with his basketball game on the Wii. I am not saying that sports games on the Wii are unhealthy. I do believe playing has developed his hand-eye coordination and he is a better player now. What I am saying though is that, if not overlooked and nurtured properly, this obssession (for autistic children) can lead to an unhealthy development in their social skills. After all, I do not want my son to only learn how to interact with a computer.
You may be wondering how did I handle this particular tantrum? I wanted to give him space to calm himself down for he was overstimulated so I asked him to go to his room, sit on his bed and relax. He did this for 15 minutes, came out of his room a completely different child. I asked him if he felt calm and he said, "Yes". We then talked about what occured and ways he could better handle his anger and manage his time (ie. after so many minutes of playing on the Wii, to then play outside, play with another toy, read, etc.). Often, I have found that changing his environment (ie. from the family room that has the Wii to his bedroom) will be adequate in preventing a tantrum from occurring and sustaining.
Please comment. Tell me what you think or if this helps. I encourage any tips or suggestions as to how we can better help our children with autism. By the way, we will be going on vacation so I will post in a week.- Tasha
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Sibling Issues
07-20-2010
I began these entries on the 18th of July and so far have 53 hits to my site. Fantastic! I am hoping that I can reach out to others (for example parents, relatives, friends of autistic children) and provide some source of support and education. If you know someone who is interested in hearing someone else's experiences, please tell them to come to my site and read, read, read.
I just finished dropping off Noah (my son with autism) at his camp at school. When we entered into the building, Noah raced to the classroom filled with kids playing on the computer. His brother (who happens to be non-autistic) walked him to his room (of course, Noah racing ahead of him) to make sure he was alright. I looked at my older son who quietly stood behind Noah, waited until he entered then quietly walked back towards the front door. Believe it or not, this was a peaceful moment - although not profound - however one of the few times that the two brothers were copacetic and actually getting along. You may ask, "Why am I writing about this?" Well, all too often, the forgotten ones, the ones that we do not focus on or give as much attention to, happens to be the siblings. Besides the parents, their lives are also impacted by the disorder.
I have given Noah so much attention and so much of my time that I fear not paying enough attention to his brother. Christian shared that someday he wanted to be an orthodontist so today I was able to have him shadow an orthodontist and learn more about the profession. This was during the time his brother was at school. I try to take advantage of these moments of separation with Noah by placing emphasis on the interests and needs of his brother.
Overall, Christian has assumed the role of big brother/provider. He may argue with his younger brother but will "stick up" for him when needed. There was a time, when Noah was being teased by the other students on the playground at his public school. He was called "stupid", "retarded", "idiot" - cruel words unbeknowest to Noah for he was oblivious to the bullying by his peers. My son Chris however was fully aware, and later told me of these incidents. I asked Christian how did he respond and he pulled his brother to the side and told him to ignore them. Additionally, he brought Noah along with his friends for support as they played games such as basketball together on the apparatus. These incidents however did take a toll on my older son as he internalized these messages and felt sadness for his brother. We talked about his feelings and ways he can assist. Christian began to educate other children on autism and explain his brother's speech and behaviors. Repeatedly hearing about autism not only helped educate other children but led to further understanding for Chris.
One thing that I can honestly say, Christian has learned empathy (develop an understanding of others with special needs). Friends have told me that he is compasssionate and helpful towards other children, especially children with special needs. Chris has also helped tremendously in terms of displaying appropriate behaviors. Yesterday, a parent asked me how can she utilize her other non-autistic children. My answer - do not isolate yourself or your other children. Use their special skills - they are also role models for your autistic child. Remember, your other children will also help you as you go through the journey of raising a child with autism.
Tasha
I began these entries on the 18th of July and so far have 53 hits to my site. Fantastic! I am hoping that I can reach out to others (for example parents, relatives, friends of autistic children) and provide some source of support and education. If you know someone who is interested in hearing someone else's experiences, please tell them to come to my site and read, read, read.
I just finished dropping off Noah (my son with autism) at his camp at school. When we entered into the building, Noah raced to the classroom filled with kids playing on the computer. His brother (who happens to be non-autistic) walked him to his room (of course, Noah racing ahead of him) to make sure he was alright. I looked at my older son who quietly stood behind Noah, waited until he entered then quietly walked back towards the front door. Believe it or not, this was a peaceful moment - although not profound - however one of the few times that the two brothers were copacetic and actually getting along. You may ask, "Why am I writing about this?" Well, all too often, the forgotten ones, the ones that we do not focus on or give as much attention to, happens to be the siblings. Besides the parents, their lives are also impacted by the disorder.
I have given Noah so much attention and so much of my time that I fear not paying enough attention to his brother. Christian shared that someday he wanted to be an orthodontist so today I was able to have him shadow an orthodontist and learn more about the profession. This was during the time his brother was at school. I try to take advantage of these moments of separation with Noah by placing emphasis on the interests and needs of his brother.
Overall, Christian has assumed the role of big brother/provider. He may argue with his younger brother but will "stick up" for him when needed. There was a time, when Noah was being teased by the other students on the playground at his public school. He was called "stupid", "retarded", "idiot" - cruel words unbeknowest to Noah for he was oblivious to the bullying by his peers. My son Chris however was fully aware, and later told me of these incidents. I asked Christian how did he respond and he pulled his brother to the side and told him to ignore them. Additionally, he brought Noah along with his friends for support as they played games such as basketball together on the apparatus. These incidents however did take a toll on my older son as he internalized these messages and felt sadness for his brother. We talked about his feelings and ways he can assist. Christian began to educate other children on autism and explain his brother's speech and behaviors. Repeatedly hearing about autism not only helped educate other children but led to further understanding for Chris.
One thing that I can honestly say, Christian has learned empathy (develop an understanding of others with special needs). Friends have told me that he is compasssionate and helpful towards other children, especially children with special needs. Chris has also helped tremendously in terms of displaying appropriate behaviors. Yesterday, a parent asked me how can she utilize her other non-autistic children. My answer - do not isolate yourself or your other children. Use their special skills - they are also role models for your autistic child. Remember, your other children will also help you as you go through the journey of raising a child with autism.
Tasha
Monday, July 19, 2010
Beginning Stages of Socialization
07-19-2010
I just returned home from picking up my son at his summer school. He is now attending a Catholic School with his brother (I love the school and will tell you in another post why I placed him there) and eating lunch with friends. When I walked onto the playground, I noticed a young girl looking at me then waving to Noah. "Bye Noah!" Noah returned the goodbye, gathered his belongings and slowly walked towards me. When I asked him, "What's wrong?" because he did not appear too happy, he was not ready to leave. He wanted to stay and continue socializing with his friends. I'm staring at him, thinking back to the time when he didn't have friends, when he didn't socialize, when he preferred to be left alone. This is one of the characteristics of autism - deficits with social skills. However, these deficits can be tackled and turned into strengths. He was able to master his social skills and as a result, befriend others.
So you might ask, "That's great and all but how did you do it?" Thinking back to when my son was around 5, I placed him in settings with other children - not too many kids but one or two along with his brother. (By the way, my son just asked "What are you doing? Are you typing something? Can you peel an orange?" - BRB) ...............................Anyway, some of the settings happen to be at my house, at a park, at an activity center, etc. I would provide a script (an interactive scenario) in which he would introduce himself ("Hi, My name is Noah," then ask the other person "Do you want to play?") Of course, this helped with his brother because he knew to just follow along by answering "Yes". This did not always work with other kids however because they did not always want to play with him. However, he did play (side to side or within the same area) as the other kids but perhaps not with the other kids. Of course, I did this often (usually on the weekends). My goal was to have him begin socializing with other children by introducing himself first, then asking the other child if he or she wanted to play. Simultaneously, I was trying to help him to improve his speech skills.
This is my suggestion - to begin building social skills, you don't just place a child with autism with "typical" kids and expect engagement. Nope, this will not happen. Rather give the child specific instruction (such as a script - show them how to interact) and give them an opportunity to practice the skills taught. Tell me if this works. I am curious if this helps others. - Tasha
I just returned home from picking up my son at his summer school. He is now attending a Catholic School with his brother (I love the school and will tell you in another post why I placed him there) and eating lunch with friends. When I walked onto the playground, I noticed a young girl looking at me then waving to Noah. "Bye Noah!" Noah returned the goodbye, gathered his belongings and slowly walked towards me. When I asked him, "What's wrong?" because he did not appear too happy, he was not ready to leave. He wanted to stay and continue socializing with his friends. I'm staring at him, thinking back to the time when he didn't have friends, when he didn't socialize, when he preferred to be left alone. This is one of the characteristics of autism - deficits with social skills. However, these deficits can be tackled and turned into strengths. He was able to master his social skills and as a result, befriend others.
So you might ask, "That's great and all but how did you do it?" Thinking back to when my son was around 5, I placed him in settings with other children - not too many kids but one or two along with his brother. (By the way, my son just asked "What are you doing? Are you typing something? Can you peel an orange?" - BRB) ...............................Anyway, some of the settings happen to be at my house, at a park, at an activity center, etc. I would provide a script (an interactive scenario) in which he would introduce himself ("Hi, My name is Noah," then ask the other person "Do you want to play?") Of course, this helped with his brother because he knew to just follow along by answering "Yes". This did not always work with other kids however because they did not always want to play with him. However, he did play (side to side or within the same area) as the other kids but perhaps not with the other kids. Of course, I did this often (usually on the weekends). My goal was to have him begin socializing with other children by introducing himself first, then asking the other child if he or she wanted to play. Simultaneously, I was trying to help him to improve his speech skills.
This is my suggestion - to begin building social skills, you don't just place a child with autism with "typical" kids and expect engagement. Nope, this will not happen. Rather give the child specific instruction (such as a script - show them how to interact) and give them an opportunity to practice the skills taught. Tell me if this works. I am curious if this helps others. - Tasha
Sunday, July 18, 2010
How Did You Know?
07-18-2010
Wow, it has been a long time...a long time since finding out that my son has autism. I remember my son at the age of two, yelling at his brother, shouting at myself and his father in an indecipherable language (after all, I couldn't understand him), becoming so enraged that he began pounding his head against the wall. Feeling shocked and frustrated, I did yell "Stop it!" He eventually stopped banging his head but the long blaze of temper continued. This episode has left an indelible impression because I had never seen him so angry. Additionally, I had never seen a toddler bang their head against the wall. Although he was 2 and I thought "going through the terrible two's", his outburst appeared uncontrollable, not typical of a two year old. I do remember having friends come over to visit or meeting family members and seeing the look of confusion on their faces. They were confused because they had no idea what he was saying. They couldn't understand his unintelligible language. I understood him moreso due to his non-verbal language (looks he gave, pointing, gestures, etc.) but always had to decipher for others his language. This was another sign for me. I thought a sign that he needed help with his speech. The last sign was his unwavering fixation with airplanes, helicopters, any mode of transportation that flew. During this time, he was now three years of age attending a pre-school near LAX (the airport). Needless to say, he heard planes on a daily basis, many times throughout the day. When a plane was overhead, he was bombarded with the aircraft noise. What seemed insignificant to other pre-schooolers, was loud to him. He would yell, place hands on his ears, or shout "pane" (trying to say airplane). I'm quite sure this frustrated the other pre-schoolers, the teacher and her assistant but they were all very nice and understanding about this. These were some of the signs that my son was different from the other toddlers....but I had no clue what lied ahead.
I took my son to LAUSD to get speech services since his lack of intelligible speech was truly bothering me. I remember thinking, "My son has a problem with his speech," and he should qualify for assistance. I remember the speech specialist nodding her head as I answered questions pertaining to his verbal development. A psychologist sat nearby silently, listening to us, while taking notes. I remember my son playing on the floor with legos, making the same creation (I believe it was a building) repeatedlly. Again, the psychologist sat in her seat silently, observing him and taking notes. After about 30 minutes of the speech pathologist talking to my son while observing his play, the school psychologist began asking me questions. While she was doing this, again she was taking notes however I noticed her circling numbers on what appeared to be an assessment. I stopped her and asked what was she doing and what tool was she using. That is when she told me that she was looking at whether or not he had autism. At that moment, that very moment, it was as if someone had hit me over the head with a boulder because I truly wanted to faint. I cringed in that chair and acted as though I wasn't there. Some might say, it was an out-of-body experience. I don't remember. But I do remember looking at her, with her beautiful blond hair, skinny frame and feminine posture (all the while she was pregnant). I remember thinking, "She has no idea what she is talking about. There is no way that my son is autistic. How dare she! What if someone said that to her about her unborn child." That was my first stage, my stage of denial. This was the beginning. This was how I began to know.
Wow, it has been a long time...a long time since finding out that my son has autism. I remember my son at the age of two, yelling at his brother, shouting at myself and his father in an indecipherable language (after all, I couldn't understand him), becoming so enraged that he began pounding his head against the wall. Feeling shocked and frustrated, I did yell "Stop it!" He eventually stopped banging his head but the long blaze of temper continued. This episode has left an indelible impression because I had never seen him so angry. Additionally, I had never seen a toddler bang their head against the wall. Although he was 2 and I thought "going through the terrible two's", his outburst appeared uncontrollable, not typical of a two year old. I do remember having friends come over to visit or meeting family members and seeing the look of confusion on their faces. They were confused because they had no idea what he was saying. They couldn't understand his unintelligible language. I understood him moreso due to his non-verbal language (looks he gave, pointing, gestures, etc.) but always had to decipher for others his language. This was another sign for me. I thought a sign that he needed help with his speech. The last sign was his unwavering fixation with airplanes, helicopters, any mode of transportation that flew. During this time, he was now three years of age attending a pre-school near LAX (the airport). Needless to say, he heard planes on a daily basis, many times throughout the day. When a plane was overhead, he was bombarded with the aircraft noise. What seemed insignificant to other pre-schooolers, was loud to him. He would yell, place hands on his ears, or shout "pane" (trying to say airplane). I'm quite sure this frustrated the other pre-schoolers, the teacher and her assistant but they were all very nice and understanding about this. These were some of the signs that my son was different from the other toddlers....but I had no clue what lied ahead.
I took my son to LAUSD to get speech services since his lack of intelligible speech was truly bothering me. I remember thinking, "My son has a problem with his speech," and he should qualify for assistance. I remember the speech specialist nodding her head as I answered questions pertaining to his verbal development. A psychologist sat nearby silently, listening to us, while taking notes. I remember my son playing on the floor with legos, making the same creation (I believe it was a building) repeatedlly. Again, the psychologist sat in her seat silently, observing him and taking notes. After about 30 minutes of the speech pathologist talking to my son while observing his play, the school psychologist began asking me questions. While she was doing this, again she was taking notes however I noticed her circling numbers on what appeared to be an assessment. I stopped her and asked what was she doing and what tool was she using. That is when she told me that she was looking at whether or not he had autism. At that moment, that very moment, it was as if someone had hit me over the head with a boulder because I truly wanted to faint. I cringed in that chair and acted as though I wasn't there. Some might say, it was an out-of-body experience. I don't remember. But I do remember looking at her, with her beautiful blond hair, skinny frame and feminine posture (all the while she was pregnant). I remember thinking, "She has no idea what she is talking about. There is no way that my son is autistic. How dare she! What if someone said that to her about her unborn child." That was my first stage, my stage of denial. This was the beginning. This was how I began to know.
Raising a Successful Autistic Child
07-18-2010
Many parents have asked me, "How do you do it? How is your son so successful?" For years now, I thought about sharing my story with other parents...helping other parents who happen to be feeling frustrated, worried, scared, unsure as to how they can be a successful parent. How can a parent raise a child to be successful....raise a child to make and keep friends.....raise a child to be on the honor roll....raise a child to make great (yes, I did say great) grades.....raise a child to be placed in clubs (ie. Cub Scouts), organizations (ie. Science Academy), camps (Science Camp) with typical kids all the while raise a child who happens to be autistic? I am that parent, a proud parent, who happens to be raising this child. My son is 9 years old, attends a regular school, has been placed on the honor roll, received a multitude of academic achievement awards, merit badges for Cub Scouts, attends summer camps (it's summer right now) with typical (normal) kids, is able to communicate successfully with others, is able to manage his temper flares all the while be diagnosed and considered autistic. I am not trying to brag or boasts of his accomplishments. If anything, my purpose is to help other parents who feel scared and worried about their child's future. I was that parent but now I am a hopeful parent who believes her son can become a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant while simultaneously be autistic. This is my story, a story that I will share with you. I am a parent who is raising a successful autistic child.
Many parents have asked me, "How do you do it? How is your son so successful?" For years now, I thought about sharing my story with other parents...helping other parents who happen to be feeling frustrated, worried, scared, unsure as to how they can be a successful parent. How can a parent raise a child to be successful....raise a child to make and keep friends.....raise a child to be on the honor roll....raise a child to make great (yes, I did say great) grades.....raise a child to be placed in clubs (ie. Cub Scouts), organizations (ie. Science Academy), camps (Science Camp) with typical kids all the while raise a child who happens to be autistic? I am that parent, a proud parent, who happens to be raising this child. My son is 9 years old, attends a regular school, has been placed on the honor roll, received a multitude of academic achievement awards, merit badges for Cub Scouts, attends summer camps (it's summer right now) with typical (normal) kids, is able to communicate successfully with others, is able to manage his temper flares all the while be diagnosed and considered autistic. I am not trying to brag or boasts of his accomplishments. If anything, my purpose is to help other parents who feel scared and worried about their child's future. I was that parent but now I am a hopeful parent who believes her son can become a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant while simultaneously be autistic. This is my story, a story that I will share with you. I am a parent who is raising a successful autistic child.
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