How Did You Know?

07-18-2010

Wow, it has been a long time...a long time since finding out that my son has autism. I remember my son at the age of two, yelling at his brother, shouting at myself and his father in an indecipherable language (after all, I couldn't understand him), becoming so enraged that he began pounding his head against the wall. Feeling shocked and frustrated, I did yell "Stop it!" He eventually stopped banging his head but the long blaze of temper continued. This episode has left an indelible impression because I had never seen him so angry. Additionally, I had never seen a toddler bang their head against the wall. Although he was 2 and I thought "going through the terrible two's", his outburst appeared uncontrollable, not typical of a two year old. I do remember having friends come over to visit or meeting family members and seeing the look of confusion on their faces. They were confused because they had no idea what he was saying. They couldn't understand his unintelligible language. I understood him moreso due to his non-verbal language (looks he gave, pointing, gestures, etc.) but always had to decipher for others his language. This was another sign for me. I thought a sign that he needed help with his speech. The last sign was his unwavering fixation with airplanes, helicopters, any mode of transportation that flew. During this time, he was now three years of age attending a pre-school near LAX (the airport). Needless to say, he heard planes on a daily basis, many times throughout the day. When a plane was overhead, he was bombarded with the aircraft noise. What seemed insignificant to other pre-schooolers, was loud to him. He would yell, place hands on his ears, or shout "pane" (trying to say airplane). I'm quite sure this frustrated the other pre-schoolers, the teacher and her assistant but they were all very nice and understanding about this. These were some of the signs that my son was different from the other toddlers....but I had no clue what lied ahead.

I took my son to LAUSD to get speech services since his lack of intelligible speech was truly bothering me. I remember thinking, "My son has a problem with his speech," and he should qualify for assistance. I remember the speech specialist nodding her head as I answered questions pertaining to his verbal development. A psychologist sat nearby silently, listening to us, while taking notes. I remember my son playing on the floor with legos, making the same creation (I believe it was a building) repeatedlly. Again, the psychologist sat in her seat silently, observing him and taking notes. After about 30 minutes of the speech pathologist talking to my son while observing his play, the school psychologist began asking me questions. While she was doing this, again she was taking notes however I noticed her circling numbers on what appeared to be an assessment. I stopped her and asked what was she doing and what tool was she using. That is when she told me that she was looking at whether or not he had autism. At that moment, that very moment, it was as if someone had hit me over the head with a boulder because I truly wanted to faint. I cringed in that chair and acted as though I wasn't there. Some might say, it was an out-of-body experience. I don't remember. But I do remember looking at her, with her beautiful blond hair, skinny frame and feminine posture (all the while she was pregnant). I remember thinking, "She has no idea what she is talking about. There is no way that my son is autistic. How dare she! What if someone said that to her about her unborn child." That was my first stage, my stage of denial. This was the beginning. This was how I began to know.